Faithfulness

So i know its been a LONG while since I have written in here. Life has come at me from every direction.. yet God has been so faithful. I spent alot of time writing in my personal journal at home but felt it was time for me to get back to this blog.

Lately, alot has been on my mind. Life really knows how to take you on a journey of unexpected twists and turns, and without God at my side I am not sure where I would be. God is the reason I have made it through the difficult times. He has been my provider and protector.. he has been faithful.

1 Thessolonians 5:24 "He who calls you is faithful..." God is faithful ALWAYS.
we sing this song at church called You are Faithful by Jesus Culture..

The bridge says

"Your spirit inside me holds me close,
in your wonderful presence I let go.
I cleanse my hands, you burn my heart.
I cry out for love, you set me apart"

This is me. I know he hold me close! I love the burn in my heart for him that grows daily.. and I know he sets me apart. This speaks wonders to me.

Those who know me know that I can get ahead of myself out of excitement and I somtimes do not always wait for God to completely guide me.. I sort of speak JUMP the gun. I get so excited about things that I know God has planned for me, I do not wait and allow him to guide me through the journey. I have done that often recently. I know there are things that God has called me to, and I know the ministry in which I am led to do, but I do not always get the timing right.

This next year in my last year at my current job and I move on. Where .. is a mystery that has yet to be fully revealed to me by God, but I am often reminded of the faithfulness of God. I at one point thought for sure that I was headed in one direction next year, but as I continue to pray in the Spirit and study I got a clear "wait for me". God spoke to me in a way that was so gentle and caring. Like a father telling his daughter to slow down and not run so far ahead of him. I get anxious and I do not wanna mess up what God has planned for me, but our speaker at church last weekend, talked about how God had a plan for EVERYONE. So that plan will always be there, and its up to us to allow God to help us to fulfill. I have fully surrendered myself to the work of the Lord, so whether I teach, or do athletic training, nursing, go into missions or attend bible school I will do it with Him leading the way. God is faithful and he will complete in me what he has started. My job is not to take the lead, but to FOLLOW.

I am often reminded of his continued faithfulness in my life especially in the last 6 months. It has been the most trying time of my life, hit with attack after attack of the enemy. But the bible talks in Deuteronomy 28:7 says:

"The Lord your God shall cause your enemies who rise up against you to be defeated before your face..."

I am ready and prepared to live for him. But I have to constantly remind myself that no matter the circumstance or what my MIND is telling me, He is ALWAYS faithful. I praise God for that. He is here with me. I am on my way to living my life as He has planned and life could NEVER be better. I am looking forward to my future :) wherever that may be!

LOVE your enemies

Matthew 5: 43-44 "You have heard it said before 'love your neighbor and hate your enemy'. But I tell you: 'Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you"

Wow those words have been resounding in my head since sunday afternoon. I feel like God is constantly reminding me that I need to LOVE more, and not only LOVE the people I get along with but even those that I have so much trouble getting along with.

Most know, i am actually a VERY easy going person and get along with many people. But I like to build relationships, i do not just want small aquaintences, but lifelong friendships. I know who I am in Christ, and I went to a 4 year Christian Unviersity. I have been around Christians consistantly for over 10 years. This time of my life is a real test of how much my relationship with Christ has grown.

I am around people DAILY who may not be Christians, I am not here to judge that is not my job. I am supposed to be who I am and lead an example of the life that Christ allows me to live. Yet, I sometimes feel I'm on my own out there.

Galations 1:10 states "Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of God"

Why do I care so much if my co-workers like me or people that I am with daily? If I am living and doing the things of God, then I know He will provide people in my life that will accept me for me. But then there are the situations that arise, and I am NOT an angry person, but a part of me WANTS to be angry. And right when I wanna lash out and speak my mind... God whispers to me the simple statement "Love your enemies" and over different situations the past two days, he reminds me of this commandment. I had every opportunity to respond with some harsh words of anger, yet before i could get them off my fingers into the phone, God just spoke my name softly... kinda like my dad would when he knew not very nice words were about to come out of my mouth lol. So i swallowed my proud, and responded with kindness. I cannot allow the Devil to win. I will remain joyous in Christ.

I am not here on earth to please man. I am here to do God's purpose for my life. I am also not hear to judge. I will live my life accordingly, and believe that God has everything undercontrol.

God still has ALOT of work to do with me. Especially on my heart. And I know in due time it will be just fine, but until then and even after then, I am ALL HIS. I will be fully CONSUMED by Him and his word. No man will be able to lead me astray from anything He has in store for me.

I look forward to this breakthrough! I know that God will come through for me, and I will choose to live in expectancy! My God will provide for me. I wanna shine for Him, I wanna be used in this world for His greater Good. It goes back to my last blog, of being more transparent for Him.

:)

BE Transparent.

Tonight at Life Group, Tim discussed about how we tend to hide ourselves from being who we truly are in Christ. We wear masks, and we think because we act the same no matter where we are that we truely are being ourselves when in actuallity we are being someone we are not.

How will we grow if do not allow people to see our flaws??

Here are some of the things mentioned:

Roadblocks to being real? Fear is the main issue

4 main reasons why many do NOT wanna be transparent....

1. Hidden weakness: Fear of exposure

2 Corinthians 4:2 (the message) "We refuse to wear masks and play games...rather we keep everything we do and say out in the open, the whole truth on display, so that those who want to can see..

1 John 1:7-8 "But if we walk in the light, and He is in the light than we have fellowship with one another.. if we claim to be without sin we decieve ourselves and the truth is not within us"

We need to feel as though we need to hide our flaws, yet let them be known! you never know the kind of testimony you have and the effect that it will have on others if you are not sharing it! People need to see that you have been through what they are going through!

2. Desire for approval: Fear of Rejection

Proverbs 29:25 "Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trust in the Lord will be kept safe.."

3. Past hurts: Fear of being hurt again

James 5:17 "Therefore confess your sins to eachother and pray for eachother that you may be healed.."

He then discussed reasons to be transparent, how we can affect the lives of others. We are part of the body of the church, we need to be able to grow ourselves. We as part of church are to support eachother, and protect eachother. We also have to know that we cannot do things on our own, and God places people in our lives to be able to share our struggles with, People who will stand with us in our faith to help us overcome.

You never know if the newer people in your church just need to see that you are just like them. People come into church and they see, happy-go-lucky people and get the impression that these people would never understand their problems, when the truth is we are dealing with the SAME ones.

Allow yourself to open up a little more, try not to play everything SAFE. Show the love of Christ in your life daily, by sharing those victories that He has done over past struggles, or things He is working on in our lives NOW.

John 15: 12-13 "My command is this, love eachother as I have loved you, Greater love has NO one than this, that He lay down His life for His friends"

Lets love one another as Christ loved us, embrace everyone with the Spirit of love. As we share our struggles, lets not allow ourselves to judge prematurely, yet listen and discern the Spirit of God as He guides us in helping eachother out.

I pray Lord that I can be MORE transparent and allow myself to continue to grow in you.

I pray that anyone who reads this will be able to be more transparent, give them the confidence and trust in you that you are putting the right people in their paths, to help them with whatever struggles they may need. Thank you.

Resurrection

As this weekend approaches, I ponder the events that took place over 2000 years ago. I cannot fathom being present at such a time.

I mean can you picture an innocent man, sacrificing his life for your sins? I picture it as someone jumping in front me and taking a bullet for me, even though I have every right to be shot. it's unreal. I cannot honestly say i could take a bullet for anyone.

It's unreal the kind of love that is portrayed, there is NO greater love.

God sent His son here for you and me, for our sins and raised Him from the dead! Unfortunately in the World today alot of people see easter as bunnies and eggs, but do NOT forget the REAL reason for the celebration. His resurrection is the ONLY reason I am where I am today.

THANK YOU JESUS. I LOVE YOU.

JOHN 3:16

STRENGTH. TRUST. PROTECTION.

I hold fast the confession of my hope without waivering, because I know God is faithful to keep His promise. Hebrews 10:23

God has truely been so faithful! These past two weeks have been just crazy! Satan has attacked me from every corner, yet I am reminding DAILY of how amazing my God is :)

First, I was hit in the wrist with a line drive while pitching batting practice for my softball girls.. then I fell down about 7 stairs at the music hall in Dallas, then the guy that was supposed to detail my car did not show up- AND my tire went bad so I had to get two new tires this past thursday! Well it does not stop there...

Saturday morning I got up early and left the house to head to class at CFNI. It was about 625am and I knew it was supposed to rain. I got on the highway, said a quick and simple prayer for protection and safe travels. Well its pouring rain at this point and I slowed down my driving, not to much but just being safe. About 10 miles after getting on the high way.. I felt my car just give out from underneath me. It hydroplaned..off the highway and spun about 4 times and landed in a ditch. Let me just say.. during the whole time this was happening - I had this peace in me.. that I KNEW i would not be physically harmed in any way. I just had this knowing that my angels were protecting me, I was just waiting for the ride to end so I could get out of the ditch. As soon as my car stopped...I looked up and smiled and just thank you God.. for keeping me safe and protecting me.

The car itself took a bit of a beating. Its got quite a bit of damage, and is not drivable. Its a matter of deciding where to go from here. Its fixable, but expensive. So I am not going to get anxious. I am gonna wait on God.. he will guide my steps. I know he has provided for me in every way and he knows what my needs are. Phillipians 4:19 Tell me he will provide ALL my needs. I physically do not have the money to repair this car, nor do I really want car payments, so I am standing on the promise that God is my father, he is my provider and he told me to CAST all my cares on Him! We'll here ya go God.. its all yours!

Well through all this I had to figure out what I should do until all is figured out with my car. I still needed to get places, my dad suggested I find a rental car and get prices etc. As I am doing this I have people chekcin up on me. My pastors Wife was such a blessing to me the whole day, just giving me moral support and helping me find a mechanic etc. I talked to our worship leader to tell her there was a chance I would not be at church. Well after i hung up with her, I got a text like 3 min later that said I could use her extra car for the week! AMEN PRAISE GOD! I was so blessed by that, God was faithful and he provided a way! :) now I can have some time to just allow God to work in my life, and get things figured out. I can finish up my last week of classes at CFNI.

The joy of the Lord is truly my strength! without Him, I would not be able to get through all this! Greater is He that is IN me that he that is in the world!

I love being able to laugh in the devil's face and say "ha you lose, I am alive and well". He cannot steal my joy no matter what my circumstance is! I have absolutely NO doubt in my mind that all this will turn out just fine. Just like Romans 8:28 says.. all this will work out for GOOD :)

I give God all the glory! I LOVE YOU LORD!

With Love- In Christ:

HEART

What does it mean to have heart? Does your actions reflect your heart? If so, are those actions glorifying God? and if not, then what do your actions represent?

Here is my current battle: my heart.

I know what I believe in my heart. I know what I want. I know my hearts desires! i know that God knows my hearts desires! But yet I sometimes wonder is KNOWING enough.

Well actually I know the answer to that.. its NO. You have to more than KNOW. you have to DO!! I trust the Lord with my life, 100%. There is absolutely no doubt in my life that He has great things planned for me- So why then am I battling between my heart and head about what to do next?

I am giving Him my all in everything I do. At work, in school, church, the worship internship ALL of it. Its His. I do NOT wanna hold onto anything, because then thats like saying "well God you have most of it, i'll take care of the rest from here". THAT WONT WORK.

Proverbs 21:2 states "every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs his heart"

What does the Lord see when he looks at my heart?

Does he see a woman who is passionate about Him?

A woman who wants to continue to daily surrender herself to Him?

A woman whose flame continues to burn as she learns about Him daily?

A woman who wants to die to herself and live SOLEY and completely for Him?

A woman who yearns on a daily basis for her Hearts desires to come to pass?

A woman who LOVES Him with every ounce that she has yet is not sure if she expresses it correctly?

A woman that chooses to live her life as an example to others of His love?

A woman who wants to remain humble, and continue to allow Him to shape and mold her into what He has created me to be?

A woman who is so madly deeply in love with Him, where there are no words to describe it?

What does He see?

-----------------------

AMEN! As I am writing this whole thing out, God is speaking to my HEART.

He sees me. He knows me. Always has. Always will.

He has my life in His hands. IT WILL ALL COME TO PASS. my hearts desires.

Patience is key. Trust is key. Love is key.

God is bringing people in my life for a reason. I thank Him for each and every one of them.

I give God ALL of me!

Thats all He asks of me. I am to TRUST Him and be patient in His timing. I get so caught up in how I believe things should work out that I start to take matters into my own hands, I jump ahead of God's timing. But, no more shall I do that.

I know that I am not perfect! But he knows my heart and my Character! He has formed me!

My heart is ALL His. Which means... I no longer have a battle- for I have casted it upon Him!

What a mighty God we serve :)

Psalm 55:22 "Cast all your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you: He will never let the righteous fall"

BOLDNESS.CONFIDENCE

Hebrews 10:35 Says "therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward"

The subject of boldness and confidence in Christ has been on my heart alot lately. As I have been asked to step out of my comfort zone more and more each day, I see God stretching me and challenging me to step out. To press into faith, to TRUST in Him. Having confidence in who I am in Him.

Most people know that I love to sing. Music is a HUGE passion of mine, and a talent that God has graciously blessed me with. I have been a part of multiple Worship teams. I love being on them, but I only like blending in. I don't wanna be the leader, I don't wanna be the soloist. I enjoy being in the background. Honestly it's mostly been because I have compared myself to other singers and never beleived I was good enough to lead a song. I was too focused on ME and how I would sound if I sang alone. Then God started to work on my heart. First it was to show me the true meaning of Worship, and why I was put up there in the first place. Then I saw that it was not for me to compare myself to anyone else, God made me in my own unique way. He gave me a passion for music for a reason. As I have entered into Bible School, I am doing a Worship internship. I decided at the beginning that I was going to allow God to work in me. To stretch me, and thats exactly what He is doing. Teaching me to surrender myself completely to Him. The first night the Worship leader told me I was singing on my own, I thought my stomach was gonna come out of my mouth, and that I was see things. I was so nervous, but I didn't try and back down, I did not find every excuse in the book to avoid it. I LET GO and LET GOD. And wow, God is a faithful God. I focused on the very words of the songs I was singing. Each week I have become more confident in my the ability that God has given me.

During prayer Sunday I was not feeling well but chose not to let that hinder me from really surrendering myself to God. Pastor usually asks if there is anything us as a congregation want to say, or pray for. Even if I do have something I never even give it a thought to do that publicly, but this weekend was different. I had every desire to speak and say what God had put on my heart. Funny thing is, it was all about boldness and confidence. I know that God is doing great works in me and I know that with Him I AM victorious.

Though life is crazy, there is no doubt in my mind that God has His hand on my life and is preparing me for something far greater than I could ever imagine. He answers my prayers time and time again, and has never let me down. I know that as I countinue to step out in faith and press into Him with everything I have then I won't be disaapointed. This change of heart, this new confidence and boldness is not for me to become prideful in my own abilities, but humble that I cannot do it alot, yet only with the help of Christ, my Lord and Savior am I able to succeed in this world.

I leave you with this scriputure that Pastor used yesterday during church. He is speaking on Trusting God for our daily resources.. which has been perfect for my life.

2 Peter 1:3 " His divine power has given to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us by glory and virtue.."

it is in HIS power alone that I am able to be where I am today. ALL THE GLORY GOES TO HIM

With love-
KristiLee

SNOW.

So after spending the last 4 years in Illinois, in MANY feet of snow. Walking to class shivering, feeling like my face was FROZEN in one facial expression all day! Cleaning of my car with my debit cards, trying SOOOO hard not to fall on the ice, yet somehow I always DID haha. I was excited to experience seasons, after living in California my whole life I loved having snow for 4 years! But when I got the job in Texas I was excited to get back to some warmer weather! Never would I have thought I would wake up to 3 inches of snow in my front yard!

It was amazing! I have to admit! It brought back some great college memories and many laughable moments! I miss all my roomies! I miss my tammy girl and I miss chicago! I cannot wait to get back and see them all whether to live there or visit! Its all in God's hands!

I loved watching all my students at school today, they went out and had a snowball fights and were just overall having a blast. This was like christmas morning for most of these kids. They have never seeen snow. And it didn't just flurry, it snowed and stuck about 4 inches maybe more (im not good with measurements lol). It was a bit joyouse though watching these kids just enjoy life. Dallas was hit hard almost 10 inches, good thing I dont have my CFNI classes there on thursday nights! School might get canceled for tomorrow, so I might not have to go into work. And if school is canceled so will my boys basketball games! :) THIS MEANS NO WORK FOR ME!! which would be AWESOME. Then Saturday morning, I have the powerlifting meet! Its gonna be one long day and then freedom! Can't wait.

I'm off two to go read some Word and get some much needed sleep! I'm under the weather a little and have had quite the week at work! But God has been sooo faithful <3 Him

Scripture of the Week
Psalm 5:12

Speechless

Yes, I Kristi one of the most talkative people I know.. am SPEECHLESS.

Not in the way that most may think. Its more of an AWE, in how God moves in the world and in my own life. Going to CFNI this semester and taking classes is the best thing that has happened to me. God is opening my eyes to SOOO much in His Word. I am just hungry for it more and more on a daily basis. His mercy and grace never cease to amaze me. I am in awe at His faithfulness. He continues to pursue me on a daily basis. I am FAR from perfect.. and EVERY time I mess up and think negatively towards myself I hear the still small voice tell me to keep going, its just amazing. I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that I have a purpose in this life- I even have the general idea of what God wants me to do in life. As I continue on this journey with Him, I wait PATIENTLY and with an expectant attitude knowing that when the VERY DAY comes for me to fulfill that purpose it will be perfect! He will give me the details in HIS own timing. I am excited- and up for any challenge the comes my way.

As I dig deeper into God's Word and become more speechless and in AWE about His love for His children I can only begin to dream of what is to come in my life. I know that I hold high expectations for myself and have dreams far beyond what I can imagine.. so I cannot fathom what God has in store for me, because I am POSITIVE its far better than what I have for myself! I am but a piece of the body of Christ, ready and willing to do as He asks.

Isaiah 6:8 "......Is there anyone I can send? Will someone go for us? I'll go, SEND ME...."

I LOVE YOU LORD
<3 YOUR FAITHFUL DAUGHTER

GROWTH

I start this blog with a desire to continue to grow in the Lord daily. God has been changing me. With every second of every day, my heart continues to grow. Writing HELPS me to express my heart more clearly...

Today I came to thinking about my journey in life over the past 5 years. From California, to Illinois, to Texas. I am not even close to the same person I was when I was 18. God was but a mere essence, something that was in my life, but not SOMEONE who walked everystep with me, who I approached with every decision whether small or big. I learned while being at ONU, that life by yourself is NOT simple, only with God am I able to accomplish my purpose in life. I have had many moments in the last 5 years where I have asked God "Where do you want me, what do you want me to do?" Yet I did not wait for the answer.. I did things the "Kristi" way.
Makes me really understand the question my dad used to always ask me.. "Kristi, how do you turn around in the world of yours"- Though he ALWAYS had a sarcastic tone and smirk on his face as he said it- I started thinking. It's so true! How did my life become so much about ME???
Through this journey though, God has been teaching me! Through all my trials and tribulations- He has shown me that my focus needs to be on HIM and nothing more. With Him all things ARE possible!

Moving to Texas has been a HUGE learning experience for me. I was a little timid about everything at first, yet extremely excited about this new journey. My relationship with God was tremondously increasing. I had been blessed to spend the summer living with my best friend and her parents-who happened to be the Pastors of the church I was attending. I had been attending that church for about 8 months when I moved to Texas. I was so concerned about finding a church that I would grown and learn at as much as I had at this one, yet when moving God gave me this internal peace that He had a plan and a place where He was gonna use me. And man oh man has he come through! First 3-4 months here were so difficult. I called home crying one time because I had yet to make any friends. I am a people person I ALWAYS have friends, yet here out of my element a city girl stuck in a very very small podunk town I was at a loss for words and began to debate in my mind whether moving was the right thing. I spent weeks praying to God about finding the right church, I settled for one that seemed to be ok for the moment, but never felt it was "the one".

Through this rough time though, I should have known better than to let my CIRCUMSTANCE get the best of me! I let up on the praying, I was not reading my Word as much. I even stopped attending church for about 2 weeks (which is really long for me). I met a guy, who said all the right things, was a Christian (so he SAID, actions were COMPLETELY different). I allowed myself to get emotionally attached. I settled for less than what I knew God had in store for me, and actually convinced myself that God had sent me this friend. But I got a call one day from my grandma, and she said something to me, "the devil is not gonna put someone in your life that would make it obvious that its not OF God, he will try to decieve you in every way" Meaning just cause this person seems nice, and on the outside all is good and dandy, does NOT mean he is from God. This is where discernment comes in. Which is where i FAILED. I had lost part of that relationship with God at the time. I had become weary and instead of enduring and leaning on God, I allowed this outside relationship to suffice me for the time. But God had other plans for me! And each time I think about it, I thank HIM for His mercy and grace. Lo and behold.. this guy turns out to be the complete opposite of everything he had once "said" I was finally able to remove the blinders (due to being taken out of the situation and getting an outside look-thanks tammy b.) and see it for what it REALLY was. Which was wrong for me. God had not sent this guy my way. I had justified it all in my head, which DOESNT make it right.

Wallowing in my own sorrow. I was hurt. mad. anger. emotional. and downright disgusted both at myself and the guy for how it all ended. But I pushed and sought after the one thing I KNEW wouldnt deceive me but would LOVE me:GOD. And He began to open doors. Around this time, I got an email about a church that was 30 mins from me. I called got some information on it and just knew this was "the place" for me to be. God had made it stand out like a sore thumb! When I walked in for my first sunday service, I could just feel the LOVE pouring out of these people. So geniune and caring. I felt at home immediately. I started to make friends. God just continued to put people in my life, to show me that there was MORE to life than what I had been living. That the last 2.5 months - I had wasted on my own agenda. But that was ALL I needed to look up and ask God forgiveness.. knowing good and well He has cast it ALL out as far as the EAST is from the WEST :) From that point on I have continued to grow. My relationship with Christ is STRONGER than ever. I cannot even picture the girl I was a few months ago. My focus recently in my walk with Christ- has been about LESS OF ME and MORE OF HIM. I want MORE of Him. Life is not about me and what I want, but about CHRIST and what He wants for me.

2010- Has already been an amazing year. I have been reading and praying DAILY. Pastor has been speaking on the "bible" and its importance and how it pertains to our daily life. I read the bible through as a child and am doing it again now. I am reading not as just a STORY of historical events, but as if I was there myself seeing this ALL happen and take place. Its just captivating. God is such an AWESOME LOVING God. I participated in the 21 day fast, which help to see some priority flaws I have- and through that time God has revealed to me things that I NEVER could see myself doing.

I remember as a little girl thinking I would NEVER do missions. I was too finicky or picky. But then again i was all about ME. But I surrendered myself to the Lord. I prayed that I would DO anything and GO anywhere. I am here with an OPEN heart and ears I want to do His will. Whether it is in the job I am doing now (athletic Training) or not I want HIS will for my life. He has changed my heart into a direction that I could have NEVER imagined myself. I am praying and seeking His guidance in doing a few short term missions trips He has placed on my heart for this summer. And embarking on a long-term 11-month one after my contract is up at work possibly August/September 2011. But I am taking it all day by day, knowing that I am ALL His. Surrendering myself to Him COMPLETELY. I cannot fathom the life he will have for me, but I know it is BIG and I look forward to continuing to grow.

Who would have thought that most of my growing would be in the months following graduation? Ha. Life overall is GREAT. God is the love of my life, and I could not imagine it any other way. My focus is solely on Him. Though daily I struggle with distractions, the Holy Spirit is in me to help keep me grounded. NOTHING SHALL SEPARATE ME from Him. All my hearts desires, will come to pass in His timing. I am trusting in Him, knowing full and well that I am in teh best hands. He is and always will be my number #1.

So Dear God...
Continue to be with me as I embark upon this journey you have placed on my heart. I expect to be stretched, I expect to be challenged, yet I know with every tear and every laugh you will be with me. With each passing day Lord, I thank you for this precious life you have blessed me with. I am PRESSING into Faith and looking forward to what is to come to pass in my life. I LOVE YOU :)
In Jesus Name AMEN <3